My husband was abusive both emotionally and sexually. He believed in the ideology of “only sticks and stones can break one person, not words”, so he did not have the slightest idea what wrong words can do to one person. He had no feelings of that sort.
In short, my ex husband was a maniac and anti social person. When I parted ways from him, all I had left in me was broken pieces of my self esteem, dreams and faith. The reason behind this damage was only words, no strong physical actions.
Emotionally maniac people are very cunning. They do things in a way in which no one can figure out their crime. You would not even realize at a certain point that what you are going through is an abuse. There are certain signs which are common to such behavior:
He successfully makes you think you are at fault
People like him are not rude but they are good at riddles. Most of the times they will be so caring and enchanting that will force you to think that it’s always your fault.“Baby, look! I don’t want to fight with you. I know you couldn’t help ruining our evening and that it’s hard for you to stop being so emotional all the time.”
When you are being emotional they tend to change the main topic and in a roundabout way point fingers at you as if you are the one who started all the problems. They do not have problem solving attitude but have an accusation filled one instead.
He Gaslightes You
Emotionally maniac or antisocial are masters in this trick where they turn around the incidents and present them in such a way that you would doubt your own memory, capacity of remembering something.
I can never forget the incident when one day I found him cheating on me, as he mistakenly forgot to log out of his email ID. But when I confronted him he told me that I am invading his privacy and checking on him. As if I was the one doing something unethical.
“You misread them. I can’t believe you don’t trust me; this is just like you to not trust me. I can’t believe I put up with this! You’re ruining our marriage.”
After many discussions in which he tried to” brainwash” me that he was not cheating I started thinking that the incident was something different and I took it in the wrong way, that not him but something was wrong with my thinking. When they do not have any way out from what they did they would not apologize but give the whole Incident an all new outlook where you are the one who is at fault.
Whatever Happens it is your Mistake
This point might look similar with the first one but it’s actually not. Not only for their own actions but whatever happens in their life is also blamed on you. If they cannot work properly it’s because you mentally stress them out. If there is some sort of crime he did it is because you made him angry. If your relationship is not working then also it’s your fault; because whatever is bad it’s related to you, not him.
He breaks you down
These psychopaths have the talent to even ruin your self confidence. They almost “hypnotize” you making you think of yourself as the most unworthy person ever alive, and they show that they love you even after this. You would be so convinced that you will easily start doubting yourself and your abilities. You won’t be able to think anything good for you and they will cage you even more in their tricks.
He will take away everything else
He would stop you from meeting other people who think about your good. Your friends can make you realize what kind of a toxic person you are dating and his whole effort of brainwashing you will be ruined. At this point he would emotionally blackmail you by saying he is the person who loves you the most and you don’t need anyone else.